A Father’s Encouraging Words: “He Can Do Anything!”

It was the 4th of July in 1966 and the scene was all too familiar. I was 11 years old! My father, Willie Caldwell, and my uncle, Charlie Hanserd, attentively standing by the barbeque grill, where they had been posted since 4am. They were adding the final touch to the ribs, chicken, bratwurst, hot dogs, and hamburgers for the annual Independence Day family gathering.

Uncle Charlie was an outstanding cook! He served our country in the Korean War, where out on the battlefield he kept the troops nourished. He could make a great meal out of anything. Often supplies were limited thus the cooks had to be resourceful; and creative.

The first time I had turtle soup was at Uncle Charlie’s house. They lived next door to us on a couple of occasions in Rockford, Illinois. One day while fishing he caught a large snapping turtle. He let it roam around their fenced in yard for a few days until he had time to prepare it. I will spare you the details about how the turtle met its demise, but Uncle Charlie cooked the meat and broth on an open fire in the turtle’s shell. I have had the great pleasure of eating turtle soup at the world renown New Orleans restaurant Commander’s Palace but turtle soup on their menu comes in a distant second to Uncle Charlie’s.

The family gathering would generally start around 1PM. My cousins and I were usually dropped off at the park around 10 AM to assist with the setup of picnic tables, chairs, tents, and the volleyball net. My father and Uncle Charlie invariably would have everything organized thus there was very little for us to do except play until the rest of the family arrived.

I had an older cousin, William Chandler Jr, whom we called “Little Junior,” who was a good athlete. We were competing to see who could turn the best flips. All of us were capable of routine somersaults and cartwheels, so we matched one another in those feats. Little Junior had learned a new move for us to attempt. It was a series of flips in succession! A front handspring round-off to a back handspring. You could tell that he had been working on this for quite some time in preparation for this moment. No one else was willing to try it especially without some sort of cushion to soften the blow if you miscalculated.

It appeared to be a pretty simple combination that I believed I could do also. So first I executed each of the moves separately to get my bearings and timing down. Then I took a running start and duplicated the feat. After I finished, I noticed that my father and Uncle Charlie had been watching and my father whispered to Uncle Charlie, “he can do anything.”

I have used those four words whispered by my father to push through tough moments, eradicate seeds of doubt and buoy me in a profession chock full of criticism, volatility, and unemployment. For many years I thought it was an idiosyncrasy that I would keep to myself. Until I thought about it in relation to the importance of fatherly affirmation and how the absence of that comforting voice that we heard while in the womb haunts those that yearn for it. I want to cite two examples to support my position.

First, while I was the head coach of the Detroit Lions we were in the Radisson Paper Valley in Appleton, Wisconsin the night before playing the Green Bay Packers. After the team meeting I watched a Show Time special about the great rivalry between the Lakers and the Celtics. In the 1985 Finals, which also featured 38-year-old Kareem Abdul-Jabbar claiming his Final MVP award, a portion of the segment caught my eye.

Kareem had a stormy relationship with his father for many years which is well documented. In the 1985 opening game of NBA Finals he had just played a game where he was not at his best. The Lakers lost and Kareem appeared to show his age. But Kareem had an unresolved issue looming. Pat Riley ripped Kareem’s performance and he listened and took the well-deserved criticism. Upon boarding the bus to the stadium for game 2 Pat Riley noticed that Kareem’s father was on board sitting next to his son.

Kareem went on to play one of the best series of his entire life. This is a man who had an extraordinary career full of accolades and accomplishments, but he too needed the support of his father to get him through a very dark period in his sports career.

Secondly, I watched Lisa Leslie’s Basketball Hall of Fame Induction speech. There stood this smart, courageous mega talented mother, wife, and basketball phenom graciously accepting the greatest athletic honor to be bestowed on a player. Yet, she mentioned first that her mother was the best “mother and father a girl could have.” Next, she thanked “the 4 men in my life who stepped in when I didn’t have a father.” Followed by thanking her high school coach saying he stepped in “knowing I didn’t have a dad.”

I concluded that Lisa has longed for her father and even in the midst of her crowning athletic achievement she still longed for his support.

Many children at an early age feel the sting of an absentee father. They must make up stories about why their father was not present at a school, social or athletic event. Children feel the void even when someone else honorably steps up to offer assistance. They learn to suppress their loss by masking it with anger, indifference or resignation. I contend that the things that bothered us when we were young still bother us today but through emotional maturity, we manage our open wounds. A child lacks the sophistication and mental maturity to deal with his father’s absence and the pain lingers in some cases for a lifetime.

In my profession I have witnessed too many young men who are estranged from their children for various reasons. If you happen to find yourself in a similar position through divorce or an inability to get along with the mother of the child, seek help, he or she is worth it. All Pro Dads is an organization which specializes in providing answers and solutions to developing a healthy relationship with your child regardless of the circumstances. The child longs to have you in their lives! They long to hear the words of encouragement similar to the words whispered by my father!